My Wife Has Died

My wife died in an accident 8 years ago. She was brain dead after the accident and was in intensive care for 10 days before they turned off the machine in the presence of me and our two daughters.

I have never gotten over it, and I frequently relive the whole event in my thoughts. I sometimes pass by the place where the accident happened.

I had a number of sessions with a psychologist, but I didn’t feel they did anything for me other than getting me out of the house.

I am now 85 years old and still live in the same place where I lived with my wife.


Dear you,

Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry to hear that you lost your wife in an accident. It sounds like a truly horrible experience, and I understand that the experience and the loss of your wife continue to occupy your thoughts and life.

I can recognize your feelings, as I have also lost someone in an accident. Life can feel meaningless and surreal. Those of us who have lost someone must live with the sorrow for the rest of our lives.

I had a feeling similar to what you describe with your psychologist sessions; a sense of meaninglessness. Why should I even talk about death? How could the feeling of meaninglessness go away by talking about it? A psychologist told me that you trick the brain by talking about it. The more you remember the loss, the more you trick the brain into thinking that “things are under control.” It gives peace to the brain. However, I did not feel better with psychological help, so I joined a support group to meet others who had also lost someone. What did I have to lose by trying it? That evening, I met others who had lost loved ones in different ways, and it was helpful for me to share the grief with like-minded people. It helped me because the grief was allowed to take up space, and the loneliness around my loss felt less. That evening, I did not feel alone with my loss and the feelings I have associated with grief. Experiencing that others feel the same as I do, and learning from the experiences that other grieving people have had, and how they live with their loss, has given me advice in a difficult time and opened my eyes to different perspectives on how to learn to live with the loss.

I hope you can use my response. You are very welcome to write to us again.

Best regards from one of the volunteers

If you need help now, you can call Tusaannga at 801180 or SMS to 1899.

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