My Mother Died

It may not seem very significant, but what hurts me is that I lost my mother when I was 12 years old and then was sent to live with my father and our grandparents.

At that time, my little sister was living with our grandparents, and when we arrived, we were several siblings. My little sister loudly stated on the street that our father is not our father and our mother was not her mother.

Back then, I didn’t take it so hard because I was a child, and these days her life is hard, and unfortunately, I can’t get close to her. I feel a bit like I’m being heartless or without emotions, even though I am grieving.


Dear you,

You write that it may not seem very significant? I think it is very significant. Losing your mother at 12 years old and then being sent to live with your father and grandparents is a huge change. It sounds like you had to move from one town to another?

That means that in addition to losing your mother, you also lost your home and all those who were close to you. I imagine you probably had to change schools too? That is a very big adjustment for a grieving 12-year-old.

You mention that your little sister was already living with your grandparents. I guess that means she was not with you and your mother when your mother died?

I don’t know the details, and I may be completely wrong, but I wonder if your sister talked about your parents not being your real parents because she was actually sad and angry about your mother’s death and being sent away?

You write that today you can’t get close to her and that you feel heartless or cold.

Maybe the early loss of your mother has left deep scars on both of you? Maybe you reacted very differently, partly because you are two different people, and partly because you were in two different places when your mother died?

I can’t help but think that you both might wish it were different? Maybe you both grieve that you feel far from each other?

I don’t know where you live, but if you live in Nuuk, I recommend trying to attend one of the café evenings organized by Aliasoqatit.

You can read more about them here:

You are also welcome to write to the advice column again.

Best regards and thoughts,