Partner in Deep Grief

My father-in-law passed away in March.

My girlfriend, who is 31, is in deep grief, which has had major consequences in her life. She lost her job as a kindergarten teacher after 8 years due to a long-term illness. Her cognitive level has declined, resulting in functional impairments in everyday life. For example, it is overwhelming for her to go grocery shopping, even with a shopping list. She loses track, going from one end of the store to the other, or breaks down at the slightest obstacle.

We have contacted Psychiatry, but were turned away. What can I do now to support her?


Dear you,

I am so sorry to read your words. It is an incredibly difficult situation that both you and your girlfriend are facing right now. I imagine you might feel powerless? Therefore, I want to acknowledge how incredibly important it is that you have written to us. I will do my best to shed some light on your and your partner’s situation.

First, I want to mention that I volunteer because I have lost my mother. In the initial short period after my mother died, I was in shock. I simply couldn’t comprehend that my mother was no longer here. Several times, for example, on the way home, I found myself thinking, “now I’m going home to my mother.” It was hard when I realized that she was no longer at home.

When the shock subsided six months after my loss, a wave of sadness overwhelmed me. Every day was a struggle to get out of bed. I had great difficulty keeping up with my studies. I couldn’t complete my assignments. I was close to dropping out several times. I had so many memory problems that from one day to the next, I forgot all the passwords to websites I used daily. Grief paralyzed me to such an extent that a year and a half after my loss, I sank into the couch at my father’s house for several weeks.

I had no one in my network who could support me to the extent I needed. I had to find help myself when I hit rock bottom. Therefore, I think your girlfriend is incredibly lucky to have someone like you who wants to support her as much as you can. It places great demands on you as a partner, and I have no doubt that your girlfriend deeply appreciates your support – even if she might not say it herself.

You are always welcome to write to the Advice Column again regarding your thoughts and doubts about how you can support your girlfriend. All responses to posts are from volunteers who have themselves experienced loss, so you will be met with compassion and understanding.

I wish you and your girlfriend all the best in the future.

Kind regards from one of the volunteers

If you need help now, you can call Tusaannga at 801180 or SMS to 1899.

Find other help here:

See dates for Aliasoqatit cafe meetings about grief here: